there's so much things i wanna say out but i dunno how to say them.
I wanted to feedback about the eastraelites.
things that I felt they are doing wrong.
things that I wanted to rebuke randall.
But because she is a so called UL, i dun dare to like say it right into her face.
She carries herself with a different aura and status, i dun even feel like coming near her.
is it because im jealous? Im upset that she was chosen instead of me?
Am I? Am I such a horrible person?
Lord please tell me who am I really in this situation.
Is it that perhaps I really am caught in the middle of saying things to her because of the circumstances?
I feel so limited by circumstances. Honestly Lord, I want to break out of this!
I really want to do more. Even stretching my hands to the eastraelites to be used further.
I want to serve in the camp and I dun see any reasons why Im not allow to participate!
And I felt many others in my caregroup have the potential to serve in there also..
Why they are not given the chance? Why Lord?
I wanted to clarify this clearly right in the face of LENNON God..
But I dun wan to make things worse. I want to understand his reasons,
but unless He say How will I know?
God Im very weak.. I know how to talk but im not really walking the talk!
Shame on me for having been as a leader!
How lazy am I!
How unspiritua am I!
I need to evangelise! If not I can't really bring them to evangelise!
I cant motivate fully when I know I didn't do it!
God what a rubbish am I.. Will you forgive me? will you help me?
I need to do something in my life! TO further build my credibility! To win ppl to my words!
Then can I be more effective for you.. I want to be more effective for you!
ahhhhhhhhhhh.. I need to do someting.. I have to!
GOd forgive me when sometimes I keep focusing on the glory of serving you as great leaders..
Its not the great leader STATUS ALRIGHT! I must not focus on that..
I must focus on doing your work! Serving you in a greater extend and boundary.
Ahhh.. Lord I do feel like a clown over here trying hard to serve you more..
Trying to know things here and there because my leader dun inform me..
I feel stupid but I have to do this since I can't get the answer from LENNON..
answer me my God! Am I doing what's right? I tried to ask Him!
But He never replies.. Its giving my heart quite a cold time.. And I have to make this fast!
I can't keep waiting and waiting again and again..
God will you tell me what to do?
Oh my God... rabalashiteilei.. kurabala shamala sham..
I pray to you Lord! Answer me Lord! Help me Lord! DO something here lord!
Reconcile relationships... give us transparent leadership..
PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Help me Lord to just serve you.
If there's black spot on the paper, please Lord, help me to erase it with your ink rubber.
=)
