Cry.

My tears are coming out my Lord.
On one Hand, Im taking it, I seem strong.
On the other, Im weakened.. I feel so tired. I feel so burdened.
I need you to strengthen me.

I could hold on till today its all your credits.
Let me continue to praise your name for your deeds in my life.

Emotions. taking over me.
It is terrible to let it overwhelms me.
Because It will draws my thoughts to him.

Yes God. It is him. Brian. The one that I been in love with for nearly two years.
I never expect this to actually carrys on for this long you know.
But it seems to be true.
I do not know what gotten into me. Im just, captivated by Him.
He.. makes me smile. all the time.
Lookin into his eyes, I find myself, in lala land. always.
I cant forget him. I cant get him off my mind.
Am i really in love? How do I curb this?

Sighs. Am more emotions runs in whenever I thought about lennon and randall.
Their relationship are just so complicated.
Is it that I cant forgive him? For doing what he did a year ago? to randall?
And I cant forgive randall? for allowing him to do what that was sinful?
That thing that have taken place, I can never forget.
I rather I do not know.
But, too bad.. What have happen has happen. And if I've known, means I will always remember.
Now, whenever I see them together.
I feel uncomfortable.
Im afraid things will continue to worsen.

The worst thing is the unit are gossiping about this issue.
Its not good.
To gossip around. And their actions are bad.
Perhaps im more against randall.
Because, she initiated all those intimate behaviours.
Or is it me? that is bitter against her?
that's why.. I always felt, she was in the wrong.
But im angry with lennon too. for not avoiding it.
For not reminding her about what she is doing.

Or is it me? is it me that is too sensitive? is it me that am wrong?
arrrgggh.
I hate this confusing feeling.
It is making my brain swirls.
Making me cry in my pillow.
making my head hurts.
My heart aches.

God! Please help me with this matter! I can't seems to solve it.
Its been around for quite a long time..
Is it that the only way to solve it, is to forgive? and forget?
Like you?
Who forgive and forget everyone of our sins.
My God.
Help me to achieve that. I cant do this alone, by myself.
Because im just a sinner. a sinful woman.

God.... I ask of you... HELP ME.
A BIG HEART.