Im feeling like so alone and unappreciated right now,
or perhaps rather for the past few weeks. Why is it so?
Is it that God you're using the people to remind me about myself,
or are these illusions the devil is trying to draw me away from You?
I dunno, and I am very confused.
I really need your presence and spirit to help me to be clear,
and be able to see clearly what's exactly up in my mind.

Im so upset and discouraged by my people,
especially those that do not understand my intentions.
I gave really alot to build and support them,
but somehow or rather,
it didn't work out in the way I expect them to be.
Well I believe it just shows that only Your way,
can reap the best results and blessings in our lives.

Im so burdened and I think the devil is tappin on my discouraged heart.
I am very worried over whether will I be able to take up this challenge,
and somehow it seems like something is invading my heart,
to further discouraged me and tell me that I can't make it.
Oh God, help me to focus on You and not on myself.
I am so weak and poor but You are rich and my provider.
I can't do this without You but with You I will be in abundance.
Please be with me and rid off this discouraged and pessimistic nature.
I have to learn Your positivity and flaming soul.

God Im so scare of the new structure because Im afraid,
that the guys will not accept me as their leader.
I sense that it is going to be a hard time to build my credibility,
among all these guys whom are potential and knowledgeable.
I am placed with great responsibility for it is a crucial role,
to build and expand the guys within the unit.
And it is further emphasize on male leadership,
where I am placed with an important role to raise more male leaders.
I am afraid that I can't do this,
God help me and save me from this situation.
I know that if it is me alone I will fail,
but with You and Your Holy Spirit, I will reap success.

I am very discouraged by Joella.
By her attitude and her perspectives,
especially her ways of responding to people like me and randall perhaps.
Her replies are filled with anger, judgement, hurting words,
that often discourage people like me.
Despite I speak up often for her about her nature,
she do not understand how much have I done for her,
and continues to mistreat my intentions, and devalue me.
I am very hurt after such intense experiences we went through together.
Father I want to pray for her that Lord You will stir and strike her heart,
NOW, I mean NOW, so may Lord she will understands.
I just want to give my best to help her to do well as a missionary.
And help me too my Lord to have a heart of love,
because I want to continue to love her despite discouraged by her.
I want to love unconditionally and not love her only when she treats me well.
I just want to give my best, help me God.
Im not a perfect person, but I want to be more like Christ.

Im worried about Fairli, worried about her growth.
I do not know how is she doing,
but definitely I sense in my heart she is drifting away from the community.
I trust that she have a relationship with You,
but then again, the drifted relationship with people will cause harm.
Father I pray for her that You will impress in her heart that,
revision and her nonchurch friends are important,
but the priority should lies in You and her R/S,
as well as the relationship with the church members,
learning and growing together to be more Christ-like.
God please use Joella to impact her life and help her to grow,
and Father I repent that I have not given my best to follow up on her.
Father please forgive me for my negligence,
and stretch Your hands upon this girl of Yours, to connect well with us.

And Father I really want to go for the HK LC,
but I am hesitating and worried because of my finance restrictions.
I do not know how in a way am I going to be able to go for it,
but Father please make a way out for me!
I want to have the faith of that father in the bible,
whom speaks to You that You can heal His son,
even without reaching His house to pray for him.
I want to have that total faith in You that believe You can make it,
come to a pass regardless of all these impossibilities!
Though I really do not know how in the world,
are the money going to come in and allow me to go for the LC,
but I have faith and I want to trust in You.
Help me my Lord to go because I desire to be touched by You.
I want to be touched by You.
Please God, bless me in my finance!

And I want to pray for my R/S with my sheeps,
Lord help me to grow in my R/S with my sheeps.
I want to build a stronger relationship with Jeremy and Gordon,
but I am insecure regarding it.
Because I am insecure with my strength and abilities,
that I am fearful once again to be able to groom these 2 potential leaders.
Whenever I see them with people like Randall,
my insecurity acts up and it overcomes me with emotions.
God help me to be secure with these sheeps you've blessed me,
and help me to build a strong R/s with the both of them,
so may I continue to help them to grow stronger each new day.
Help me to help them to learn and be convicted for Your kingdom.

And Im often lazy and so layback.
I am so guilty and upset about this characteristic of mine,
it is so not honoring of Your name and worthy as Your leader.
It is disgracing Your love for me and putting You down!
Forgive me Lord.. And I do not want to ask for Your forgiveness,
again and again without making any actions!
This is so sinful and it is not repentance..
I am just so weak-willed, that I can't even change this,
little habit that I have in my life.
God I just ask of You to have patience in me,
and help me Lord to change this stupid habit of mine..
I want to grow out of this and really excel,
in ever area of my life for Your name to be glorified.
Help me Lord with my studies,
I don't want to fail You again and again,
I want to do well in them.. Because of worldly reasons,
I will fail.. But because of You, I will sustain and reap!

So many things I want to pray..
But I am now encouraged and filled by Your spirit,
after spending the time together with You.
Thank You my Lord for everything You've just done,
in my heart that gets rid of the insecurity and pessimism.
You know that I intended to complain about people,
that are discouraging me and making me feel they don't like me,
but somehow You stirred the spirit in me to pray for people,
and now I am filled with a joy and peace that I can't describe.
But thank You Lord for You know me the best.

I am convicted to go all out for You,
though what that I can give is just so small,
compare to what You have given to me,
and can give to me for the rest of my life.
But Lord, I still want to give my all,
because of Your love, and because I love You as well.

Bless me my Lord!