Slacker.

Im a born slacker.
And I do not know why Im such a failure in this area.
On one hand, I may be efficient.
But on the other. Im not.
I think this is the area of my life that is hindering me to become a good follower of God.
Im not following him in every aspects of my life.
Im hiding something away.
I may be able to hide from the people around me.
But I can never hide it from God.
And till I settle it. Till I overcome it.
I will always never move out from where I am today.

Damn it.
Its tough.
Its abit killing me.
Because Im such a lazy person.
Im a slacker in my studies.
Im a slacker in applying the fruit of the spirit.
That's why I've not yet earn the respect from the people.
Im still like young.
How do I gain that credibility?
How do I win my leaders to release me?
How do I grow up?
Mature?

God help me.
Answer me.
I dun no what gotten in to me.
But one thing I surely know is, I need to get out of this.
This laziness that's strangling me in a maze.
Causing me not to be able to leave it.
When I try, I get lost in it.
Only you from above, can deal this issue for me.
And get me ready for the next phase of my life.

I know. I know.
Its my choice still.
Its my determination.
Its whether I really want it a not.
Oh God.
Seriously.. I dun no what exactly I want in my life.
Why am I not taking my life seriously.
Father do something do something.
Make me take my life seriously.
Seriously as in, for you. Not for the sake of survival in this world.

I ponder and reflect on my life today.
Its such a shame.
Its such a disgrace.
Im definitely not a success.
But like what shawn said, your unlimited patience is so great.
When I know of that patience of yours, and get reminded of it, my tears will drop.
Really. If my life was a piece of white paper, it would be black by now.
But you will always be willing to wash the ink away and give me a new piece of white paper.
Thank God. For forgiving me and giving me a new chance all the time.
It is you, that I have new life.
Whenever people affirm me and praise me.
Of course I feel good.
But I too will think. Do I deserve these praises. Do I deserve their affirmation.
They say: Im an inspiration to them.
But am I really? If they know entirely how I lead my life?
No. Im a disgrace.
Im able to lead as a leader, its all because of you. its you.
Definitely not my strength.
Its because of you.

Gosh.
I want to do something in my life now.
It feel so urgent.
The conviction is breaking out.
Its breaking free.
Its going to explode in me.
I cant withhold it within me anymore.
Im responding to you now.
God. God make me. Mould me. Train me. Test me.
Im willing to go through everything just to be a better person for you.
Just to be the person to go to the place you want me to be.
Father!
HELP!