i dun no what to do.

father...

i really dun no what to do at all now..
What am I to do right now?
What can I do?

What do I really want?
I dun even know what Im thinking..
Im so confused.. Im so mess up..
I hate this feeling..

I hate myself for knowing,
but I will hate it even more if I do not know..

Why Lord.. do you let me experience all these..
Is there a hidden secret behind all these?
Something you want me to learn?
Or something you want me to do?
I do not know.. I really am not aware..
WIll you tell me? Will you guide me?
I am filled with alot of grieve and confusion..

There's alot of doubts in my mind right now..
I doubt the leadership.. I really doubt the choice of randall.
I just have the mentality that something goes wrong between the mentor and the mentee,
and thus somehow she was chosen..
I just have that type of thoughts in me..
I can't bring myself to trust her..
I cannot.
Now I cannot even trust Lennon,
the one who fall into the pit of love also.

What to do God?
To solve these problems?
Is it my fault? My problem?
I do not know already..
I dun even know what's wrong..
How am I going to solve any thing that is wrong..
Oh my God... My head is so painful..
My heart is so tangled and it is suffocating..

what is that mountain that I am to order it to move?
I do know at all..
THis is terrible..
Its killing me.. causing me unable to concentrate on my studies..
On the things I wanted to do..
why GOd.. why.
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.

Tell me..

my heart: all about what I felt, what should I do with my feelings, what should I go ahead with, in the midst of these confusing feelings and situations.
21-22But Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don't doubt God, you'll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you'll tell, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God."
(my heart)
The Lord make it clear, do not doubt. Do not doubt the circumstances, for the Lord is in control. He is in control of the church, of the system, of the people, of the situations, and therefore the Lord will not allow any unwholesome situations to occurs and scatter the sheeps of His flock. He have anointed Hope church, and therefore He will ensure nothing happens to which will lead to the departure of His faithful servants. Trust in the Lord, believe in the Lord, and not your feelings. Do not follow what you think, but follow what God have inspire you to think of. Trust in the heavenly father words, that this mountain shall jump into the lake if you say so. The father have given you signs and wonders, and this is his awesome power.

my mind: What I struggle with in my thoughts, things that I try to figure out, things that I try to understand from my understanding and my experience. What have the Lord got to speak about the things that I have figured out and thought of?
40 " 'But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their fathers—their treachery against me and their hostility toward me, 41 which made me hostile toward them so that I sent them into the land of their enemies—then when their uncircumcised hearts are humbled and they pay for their sin, 42 I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. 43 For the land will be deserted by them and will enjoy its sabbaths while it lies desolate without them. They will pay for their sins because they rejected my laws and abhorred my decrees. 44 Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them. I am the LORD their God. 45 But for their sake I will remember the covenant with their ancestors whom I brought out of Egypt in the sight of the nations to be their God. I am the LORD.' "
(my mind)
The Lord expresses His grace and mercy, that so long these sinners repents and come before God, He will remember them and will forgive them. He states clearly, that He is the Lord, He is the father of all nations, and therefore remember that He is the one that is in control. Remember, They will pay for their sins, they will reap what they sow. But the Lord will forgive and give them their land, so long they repent and they return.

My soul thirst for God. What has the Lord got to speak about my spirituality? What have the Lord got to tell me about my spiritual walk with Him? What spiritual growth should I encounter?
11-15"I've told you these things for a purpose: that my joy might be your joy, and your joy wholly mature. This is my command: Love one another the way I loved you. This is the very best way to love. Put your life on the line for your friends. You are my friends when you do the things I command you. I'm no longer calling you servants because servants don't understand what their master is thinking and planning. No, I've named you friends because I've let you in on everything I've heard from the Father.
(my soul)
Love them. Remove the hatred. And you will remove the pain. The Lord's joy will be my joy if I love them just as how I want others to love me. Do to others what you want others to do to you. That is the awesome display of love.